Friday, March 16, 2012

It's been a while...

My family and I hit the road for Spring Break and trekked north to my sweet, home(town) Chicago.  It has been fantastic to catch up with family and friends this week.  Since we moved to Mississippi our trips to Chicago have been either short or busy; neither type of trip allows for much time to simply hangout.  This trip has been very relaxing - even with a strung out, tried 2 year old.  It's been a while since I've spent quality time in Chicago and I miss my hometown and my loved ones.

There's another little person who is here that I miss very, very much.  My daughter is buried here.  We went to the cemetery this morning.  It's the first time that my son has "understood" that Keenan's home is somewhere else.  He asked to "go in" while we were visiting her grave.  How do you explain death and burial to a 2 year old?  Before we got back into the car, my husband said, "Bye-bye Keenan."  Then, my son said perfectly and cheerfully, "Bye-bye Keenan."  Oh, that broke my heart...

Three and a half years ago when I buried my daughter I had no idea how my life would ever be "normal" again.  In all honesty, it's not normal; we've just discovered a new normal.  Who goes on vacation with the express "to do" of going to your daughter's grave?  Thankfully, that's not normal for most people.

Last night my aunt mentioned the verse, "Let not your heart be troubled.  Believe in God and believe in me." (John 14:1).  In the grand scheme of God's plan, I realize that my life is a blink of an eye and 3 1/2 years a nanosecond.  I don't know how God's plan is going to play out but it is comforting to find gems like this in the Bible to use as a mantra when life is difficult.

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